Behavioral patterns

Each of our reactions, each communication is drawn through some pattern of behavior that is repeated regardless of whether it is appropriate to the situation and whether it works to our advantage or harm. Patterns of behavior are formed on an unconscious level to the greatest extent in childhood and through various life experiences, both positive and negative. Often people create such "patterns" that disturb them in their everyday life, that are harmful to them and that hold them back, prevent them from further progress. It is very important to become aware of such patterns, so that we can change them to work in our favor. Through my practice, I have come across many examples of negative patterns, which people even become aware of, but have some secondary benefit, which is why they do not change them. This is the case when people focus on changing their behavior and not on the motive behind that behavior. For example, entering into a conflict with colleagues, always in the same way, even though you know that you are not gaining anything from it and that you are working to your own detriment, but the secondary gain is obviously stronger than the conflict, which is to expel something of yours that for some reason obviously fulfills you. When we become aware of the secondary benefit of a pattern of behavior, we can more easily influence the change of behavior. In addition to the secondary gain, we must not neglect the possibility of ambivalence towards change. Sometimes it may be simpler to stay in the comfort zone, no matter how gloomy and depressing it may be, and function that way, than to enter into some uncertainty that arouses fear of the unknown. The reason for this can be found in the fear that change could push us to an even more gloomy and depressing place, so it is easier to fight with "known demons".

To summarize, our mind is very good at generalizing things, which is sometimes to our advantage and sometimes to our detriment. For example, when we go through an experience in which we feel good, we believe in ourselves, our confidence is at a high level, then our mind generalizes and connects that behavior with supporting beliefs that we are capable of achieving what we want.

But also when we are in an unpleasant situation where we don't feel good and don't behave the way we want, then our mind also generalizes, but this time it connects that pattern of behavior with beliefs that limit us, that we are not good enough, that we are not capable enough, which results in a lack of self-confidence and self-belief.

Depending on the situation we are in, our unconscious mind will always generalize, and our reactions will depend on the pattern of behavior that the unconscious mind recognizes and calls out.

The person who is the key figure in the formation of behavior patterns is the mother. When we say mother, the first association is with the person who loves us the most and unconditionally. However...a mother is someone who can completely unknowingly, with the best possible intentions, emotionally cripple you for life. I sound harsh, but it's true. The mother is the figure that is the most dominant in our upbringing and can make you a strong, confident, self-aware person, full of self-confidence, energy, will and love, or can make you an emotional cripple. That you are withdrawn, insecure, full of complexes, that you do not believe in yourself, that you think that you do not deserve love, that you are not good enough, that you are happy if someone is interested in you, and that for this reason you have to stay in that relationship because who will want you again and so on... The mother is a topic that often "resurrects" in coaching sessions, but also the topic that is discussed the longest and most often in psychotherapies. The behavior patterns of the mother are passed on to the children, even if the children are female, there is a problem in the forecast. What I know we certainly cannot do is to change her and her patterns. The best thing we can do for us is to become aware of those same patterns that are not in our favor and work on ourselves. Nothing is unsolvable of course, but it takes a lot of effort, work on yourself, awareness of where we are, where we want to be... we need support, we need friends, people who believe in us when we give up.

If you want to become aware of your behavior patterns that are holding you back and sabotaging you, contact me and start a change in your favor!